I don't feel guilty for sending home packets!

When the COVID-19 outbreak began, it seems as though every aspect of everyday life was in turmoil. And as much as I didn't want to feel any of the panic, it crept into my life anyway. Just the week before, I was all consumed with the grief of losing my grandfather and a pile of IEPs with deadlines quickly approaching. I just needed an extra day to cry and sleep and get caught up.

Instead, I came to school on Wednesday and put on a smile. That's what teachers do. Every day. We take a deep breath and march on, regardless of what is going on in the back of our minds because we want to provide a safe and welcoming environment for our students. And I made it through almost the full day without crying (I mean there was that kid who was disappointed I came back... *shoulder shrug*). Then there was an emergency staff meeting right after school about how we needed to make virtual day packets for 10 days because, although nothing was official, we could be shutting down. A few minutes later, I had another IEP meeting, plus a new thing on my to-do list on a day that I already felt was full.

Thankfully, I have the best teammates in the world! The other middle school teacher found some awesome resources online that we could print and we worked together to put them into differentiated packets for our students, all in about the 2 hours that we needed to finish so we could pick up our little ones from daycare on time. I felt accomplished and even though it wasn't something that was originally on my list for the day, it was crossed off.

Thursday came and administration told us to send home our packets that afternoon, just in case we didn't come back Friday, and even though we did have school for the remainder of the week, it was full of behaviors from our students feeling the anxiety of panic. When I left school on Friday, I felt relieved that I was finally getting a much needed break for two weeks: one week of virtual learning and one week of spring break.

But then our break kept being prolonged and as I felt at ease about having my virtual work assigned for 10 days, I kept scrolling past elaborately creative plans that used online resources and platforms... had I failed my students?

Now, I AM NOT saying that there are some truly amazing teachers out there who rose to the occasion with truly innovative techniques for keeping their students connected. What I am saying is that I knew that there had to be someone else who felt the same as me. Someone who felt like using packets was a cop-out.

I'm still working all of the hours that I can around my daughter and husband's schedule, calling parents and answering e-mails and working on paperwork. And I'm constantly brainstorming ideas that I could use for my students, who for the most part only have cell phones as devices to do homework. And I know that if you are reading this today as a teacher or a parent, then you are doing your hardest to make it work for your family (whether that be at home or in the classroom).

We are in crisis. That's just all there is to it. And you are doing your best. You are surviving and getting up each morning to try to provide food and safety in your home and trying to provide a sense of security and calm to your students. Regardless of what that looks like, it doesn't matter. You are doing your best.

This is a really weird and hard time for everyone. So let's stop judging, and that includes yourself! Stop making a list at 11 o'clock at night of everything that you should have done, and instead, think of all the productive things you did today. It might surprise you how much you really did!

Someone recently made me rethink my definition of productive. She said, "Today, I am going to watch a show and delete it from my recordings. My storage is getting full, so me watching that show is going to make more space. Therefore, I am being productive by cleaning it off!"

Now that sounded like a silly example to me and my perfectionism, but then I thought about it... I gave my daughter breakfast this morning, that was productive. I changed out a load of laundry. That was productive. I took two walks today (mostly because it is waaay too stressful sitting in the house all day), but that was productive too. I even took a break and ate lunch with my family. And that doesn't even include all of the work related or educational parenting I did.

Dr. Joe Dispenza quoted, "Every time I choose joy, joy is wired into my brain."