5 ways to NOT lose your cool, even during your toddler’s tantrum

As a teacher of students with emotional and behavioral disorders, I feel like I deal with behaviors all day everyday, and not just at school. I am definitely not a perfect parent, and there are plenty of times that I lose my cool, but these 5 tips are things that I've learned from other professionals, and I can honestly say that I feel pretty proud of myself when I am able to deal with a behavior in a calm and logical way to defuse the situation. I hope that this list will help you stay calm in the heat of the moment, and keep your relationship with your child strong and positive!

1. Concentrate on using a calm voice. This will not only model for them the appropriate behavior you are looking for, but will also keep you from having a battle over who can be the loudest. I always like to take a deep breath and use a calmer than normal tone, and I usually get quieter too. My students actually complain that they can't hear me, but it's only because I am intentionally trying to keep my sanity.

2. Remove your child from the situation. When my daughter starts getting her sassy tone with us, I can already feel the tension start to creep in. She will often keep pushing our buttons and even at a year old, she knows that slapping me is a good way to get my husband fired up. Although she often will go to hit me, and then move her hand away to hit a pillow or the floor, sometimes her anger takes over. That's when I lead her or pick her up and move her to her room. I calmly say, "I love you, but I need you to calm down before you can join the family in the living room. You can come out when you're calm." Her room is child proofed, and we have the baby monitor in there, just in case, but she is learning that she will not take her anger out on other people and will have to self-regulate.

 I will say that I felt like crap the first time I did this... listening to her cry in her room for a minute or two. But I was not only teaching her how to calm herself down, I was also giving my husband and I a few minutes to take some deep breaths too. She soon began quietly playing in her room, and after about 2 minutes of her being quiet, I went in there and gave her lots of praise and played with her. The positive follow up is VERY important! Parents and their children have to rebuild their relationship that was just damaged, and this is true for all ages.

3. Short and simple. If your child is throwing a fit because they won't pick up their toys, point to one toy and say, "clean up" or "pick up and put away". It is too confusing on most children, especially younger ones to give a lot of directions at once. And, if you begin bargaining with them in the heat of the moment, like offering a cookie if they pick up, then they will become focused on only doing things for a reward.

You can, however, remind them of a preferred activity coming up. My daughter hates putting on a shirt. I'm not really quite sure why, but in order to go outside, she needs to wear a shirt. Ellie likes going outside, so instead of just demanding she wear the shirt, I will say, "first put on your shirt, then we can go outside". Since she is so young, there's no point in explaining why she can't go outside without a shirt, I just keep it simple with what we have to do first before we can move on to an activity she wants. Another example could be "first clean up blocks, then we will color". This "first, then" language is something that behavior analysts and professionals use, and works to keep from allowing the child to have extra wiggle room, like if you were to say, "if you put on your shirt, then you can go outside", which implies that the child has the choice to not wear a shirt at all.

4. Use imperative sentences. My husband gets himself into sooo much trouble when he asks our daughter if she "wants" to clean up. Of course she will say no, and right now “no” is her favorite word. I always have to remind him to tell her to clean up or to put a shirt on instead of asking if she wants to. I think that humans are built with empathy and consideration for others, and for that reason we are geared towards wanting our children to be happy. But when you want to give them a direction, it's too confusing to child to ask them if they want to do it because that implies that they have a choice. Plus, when they become older, they may learn to resent you as a parent for asking them what they want to do because they've already become used to you making the decisions anyway.

Allow your child to have choices they can make, and give them commands or direction when it's not their choice.

5. Say what you want. 

This one is hard because when there is a "problem" behavior, we just want it to stop. We don't really think about what we want them to do instead. However, we can't expect our children, especially toddlers, to know what we want from them if we don't tell them.

So instead of saying "don't run", say "walk" or instead of saying "don't hit", say "nice hands" or "gentle hands". It takes a lot of getting used to, but it gives your child a chance to do exactly what they want you to do, instead of giving them plenty of grey area and driving you crazy when they skip or jump around the grocery store because they're "not running".

I hope that all of these tips help you keep your calm as you are parenting your little one (or big one). Is there a tip that you've found to help keep your cool? Leave a comment below!

20 Ways to Self-Care at Home!

So I don't know about you, but it has been ROUGH sitting at home the past 4 weeks of this quarantine. And my school district has already cancelled traditional school for the rest of the academic year, which means at least 3 and a half more months of staying at home.

 I might use the picture perfect moments for social media,
but we have constant shenanigans going on. 

I started off pretty strong with daily activities to intentionally help my 17 month old daughter grow: fine motor practice with pom poms, introducing her to writing and shapes, and plenty of sensory experiments. But after about a week and a half, I ran out of ideas and patience. I might use the picture perfect moments for social media, but we have constant shenanigans going on.


When my life felt chaotic, I used to love to get my nails done or have a girls' night. This was before a pandemic forced us to socially distance.

Now, I find myself aimlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram and getting irritated when I have to do anything, and then my anxiety bugs me for not being productive. The cycle can be endless, and so, while I know there are plenty of lists out there, I wanted to share some ideas for self-care that can be done at home with items that you probably already own.

I can only speak for myself and share things that have been helpful for me. Sometimes in life, though, we have feelings of negativity and depression that keeps us from even having energy to do something for ourselves. A great resource about mental health, especially during this time of the COVID-19 can be found at https://mhanational.org/covid19##ResourcesForImmediateResponse

If you are in crisis, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline is available 24/7 1-800-273-8255. 

At Home Self-Care Ideas:

• Read a Book
• Journal
• Sit Outside
• Deep Clean (just a room or the whole house)
• Try Yoga
• Watch a Classic Movie (the original Disney movies always put me in a good mood)
• Take a Bath
• Find "Pinspiration" (look for a craft, hobby, work-related inspiration, recipe, anything!)
• Watch Funny Videos (my husband and I love the old Vines)
• Have a Game Night
• Paint or Color (in the lines, or not!)
• Facetime a Friend
• Write a Letter
• Try a New Recipe
• Weed or Plant 
• Paint Your Nails
• Try Meditation
• Re-Watch Your Favorite Series
• Exercise (you could search youtube, or try the FREE app FitOn for videos to follow with dance, cardio, stretching, whatever works for you and your body!)
• Wash Your Car

I don't feel guilty for sending home packets!

When the COVID-19 outbreak began, it seems as though every aspect of everyday life was in turmoil. And as much as I didn't want to feel any of the panic, it crept into my life anyway. Just the week before, I was all consumed with the grief of losing my grandfather and a pile of IEPs with deadlines quickly approaching. I just needed an extra day to cry and sleep and get caught up.

Instead, I came to school on Wednesday and put on a smile. That's what teachers do. Every day. We take a deep breath and march on, regardless of what is going on in the back of our minds because we want to provide a safe and welcoming environment for our students. And I made it through almost the full day without crying (I mean there was that kid who was disappointed I came back... *shoulder shrug*). Then there was an emergency staff meeting right after school about how we needed to make virtual day packets for 10 days because, although nothing was official, we could be shutting down. A few minutes later, I had another IEP meeting, plus a new thing on my to-do list on a day that I already felt was full.

Thankfully, I have the best teammates in the world! The other middle school teacher found some awesome resources online that we could print and we worked together to put them into differentiated packets for our students, all in about the 2 hours that we needed to finish so we could pick up our little ones from daycare on time. I felt accomplished and even though it wasn't something that was originally on my list for the day, it was crossed off.

Thursday came and administration told us to send home our packets that afternoon, just in case we didn't come back Friday, and even though we did have school for the remainder of the week, it was full of behaviors from our students feeling the anxiety of panic. When I left school on Friday, I felt relieved that I was finally getting a much needed break for two weeks: one week of virtual learning and one week of spring break.

But then our break kept being prolonged and as I felt at ease about having my virtual work assigned for 10 days, I kept scrolling past elaborately creative plans that used online resources and platforms... had I failed my students?

Now, I AM NOT saying that there are some truly amazing teachers out there who rose to the occasion with truly innovative techniques for keeping their students connected. What I am saying is that I knew that there had to be someone else who felt the same as me. Someone who felt like using packets was a cop-out.

I'm still working all of the hours that I can around my daughter and husband's schedule, calling parents and answering e-mails and working on paperwork. And I'm constantly brainstorming ideas that I could use for my students, who for the most part only have cell phones as devices to do homework. And I know that if you are reading this today as a teacher or a parent, then you are doing your hardest to make it work for your family (whether that be at home or in the classroom).

We are in crisis. That's just all there is to it. And you are doing your best. You are surviving and getting up each morning to try to provide food and safety in your home and trying to provide a sense of security and calm to your students. Regardless of what that looks like, it doesn't matter. You are doing your best.

This is a really weird and hard time for everyone. So let's stop judging, and that includes yourself! Stop making a list at 11 o'clock at night of everything that you should have done, and instead, think of all the productive things you did today. It might surprise you how much you really did!

Someone recently made me rethink my definition of productive. She said, "Today, I am going to watch a show and delete it from my recordings. My storage is getting full, so me watching that show is going to make more space. Therefore, I am being productive by cleaning it off!"

Now that sounded like a silly example to me and my perfectionism, but then I thought about it... I gave my daughter breakfast this morning, that was productive. I changed out a load of laundry. That was productive. I took two walks today (mostly because it is waaay too stressful sitting in the house all day), but that was productive too. I even took a break and ate lunch with my family. And that doesn't even include all of the work related or educational parenting I did.

Dr. Joe Dispenza quoted, "Every time I choose joy, joy is wired into my brain."

Creating Banners with Your Cricut

First of all, I would like to share the exciting news that I have accepted a job as a middle school teacher in an EBD (emotional-behavioral disorder) classroom at an alternative school! This position is absolutely my dream job since I did my student teaching in a similar environment but with high school students.

Most people don't really understand what this job will entail, so the short version is this:
The students in my classroom will come either from Homebound/residential care to make the transition into an environment that is less restrictive, or from a special education classroom in a regular school because they need more intense supervision and help handling their behaviors that are getting in the way of being academically successful. The goal at this school is to help students learn how to adapt to the circumstances around them and cope with their feelings in a healthy and respectful way so that they can then transition back into a regular school, and eventually a general ed classroom.

Although this is somewhat of an unconventional environment, I know a lot of you teachers out there love to color-code and coordinate EVERYTHING! I loooooove seeing those gorgeous classrooms ya'll got (and feel free to post some of your inspiring pictures below, or tag me on instagram at @barrowsbows!)

For me, I am going to use colors to define each are in the classroom as well as subject. So the language arts area will be purple, math area will be blue, science is green, social studies is yellow, schedules and morning meeting are red and orange. To counteract this, I will be using black bulletin board paper for every background.

But instead of buying lots of letters in all different colors, I finally put my large supply of card stock to good use! It did take me quite a long time to cut all of these letters out and then glue them on the banners, but I am overjoyed with how they turned out! This post is just going to be how I created the banner for the background (the polka dotted paper). Stay tuned if you're interested in how I cut the letters for my next post, or use stickers, your own handwriting, cut out your own letters, or use this alone for a banner perfect for any occasion!

You can purchase a pennant banner design if you have Cricut Access or for $0.99, or you can create your own for free!

Here's the DIY version:

Materials:

• I used "Seeing Dots" Cardstock from COLORBOK for the background banner and the white is from a pack from The Paper Studio, but anything you use should work! (You just might have to adjust the setting a little on the cricut if you find that it's not cutting. We'll talk about cut settings in a minute.)
• I also used a Cricut Explore One for this project, as well as the green standard mat. 
• You will need your cricut connected to a device that you can work on Cricut Design Space that also has whatever font you will be using (I think that a desktop computer is easiest, but I know many people use their phones or ipads.)

1. Go to design.cricut.com, log in, and create a "new project"
2. Use the shape icon on the left to make a square. Then, use the size icon and click the lock button above it to unlock so that you can make the height 4" and width 3.7". 
3. To make it easier, line it up by putting 1" on both the x and y under "position".
4. Then, click on the triangle under the shape icon. Don't resize it! Just rotate it so that there is a vertical line on the left side so that you can move it in line with your rectangle. This is probably the trickiest part, so don't get frustrated! Use the position tab to move the triangle to where x is at 1", and if part of the edges don't line up, keep rotating it and making sure that you keep changing the top position to say 1". 
5. Once you get the left edges lined up, move the y axis to 3.408". 
6. Then, flip the triangle (using the flip, horizontally tab on the top). This triangle should be at x: 1.611", y: 3.408".
7. Finally, highlight all three shapes together and click weld. The separate shapes will become one shape!

You can duplicate this shape as many times as you want, and change the color, depending on how many you need of each color (changing the color will sort the shapes onto different mats). 

When you're ready, click "Make It" and make sure that your cricut is connected. I used the "Light Cardstock" cutting option with the blade that came with my machine. If you are using thicker paper or poster board, make sure you change your setting accordingly, and Happy Crafting! 

5 Ways to Land Your Dream Teaching Job!

Having my daughter in October and graduating in December was a bit of an unconventional end to my undergraduate career. However, spending that extra semester soaking up time with my baby and working as a substitute teacher was a very useful experience! Despite special education having one of the highest shortages, I saw many of my classmates struggling to get the jobs that they were interested in. I also followed many of my closest friends applying for various elementary teaching positions in their extremely competitive field. Whether you're already searching for a job for the first time, or you're still in school, I hope these five tips help you navigate the application and interview process to help you land your dream teaching job!

1. Get those certification tests out of the way early!

           This is probably pretty hypocritical for me to say, since I waited until after graduation to finish my tests, BUT I can say that I have watched several people rise above in the application process because they already received their license, and unfortunately I can also attest to people who had to re-test several times and couldn't guarantee their future employer that they would be licensed in time to start school in August. Also, the online state licensing program takes a long time once you get into June and July to apply, so do yourself a favor and get them passed early!

2. Go above and beyond at any pre-interview meetings.

          The district that I student taught in had a "meet-and-greet" in November, looking at December graduates. Since the district is fairly large, this was geared at only special education candidates and all of the special education coordinators and the Director of Special Education were all asking and answering questions about their district. It wasn't geared towards any openings in particular, but I treated it as an interview. I brought my portfolio, and although I didn't use it, I did decide to go back to the Director and give her my resume and cover letter (that was addressed directly to her about the district). I had a good but brief conversation with her about our daughters and let her know that I was going to be looking for something full time in August. 

           Right before I left, she told me that if I saw any openings that I was interested in, to contact her directly. And so, when I saw an opening, I called her office. They immediately got me an interview, and she listed several things from this meet-and-greet that impressed them, even though that was four months prior. 

            I was VERY nervous to go to that meet-and-greet. But, I met 2 of the 3 people in my interview and it made me feel much more comfortable during the interview, and allowed for me to get to know the district. Which leads me to number 3...

3. Know your position.

            I honestly didn't even know that the school that I got hired at existed. I saw it online, and Google Maps didn't even show me the right location. I couldn't find any website or any information online. So I called the special education district office and talked to the secretary about the openings. Then, I found out who the coordinator was and texted and e-mailed previous mentor teachers to find out more about her. Everyone loved her and I even found out that my student teaching supervisor had coached her in high school. During the interview, I was prepared with not only personal information that could prove benefit to their team, but I also knew the basis of the position while also having big questions that showed my enthusiasm for the job.

4. Ask questions.

            While in an interview, you want to show off your knowledge, it doesn't do anyone any favors to pretend like you understand. It's easy to smile and nod, but if you don't understand an acronym or term, don't be afraid to ask. In fact, I got called out for doing this during my interview: 

             The school that I will be teaching at is an alternative school for students with Emotional and Behavioral Disorders. The paras/assistants are called behavior technicians. I did not know that, and the principal could read my face that, despite my nods, I had no idea what she was talking about. It was a simple explanation and we laughed about it, but I could have easily just asked instead.

             Some good questions to ask for special education could be:

• What is the average class size?
• What other staff will be in my room?
• What disability categories will be in my classroom?
• What kinds of supports do you offer to teachers?

5. Student teach where you want to work.

              If you've already student taught, or you're in the midst of it now, this doesn't really apply. But, if you have a choice of what kind of environment you want to student teach in, take advantage of it! I will never be able to explain how beneficial it was for me to teach in an alternative school setting. Not only did I feel prepared for any other type of classroom, but I also could use real examples for my interview in a different alternative school with students of similar diagnoses. 

              I have also heard from others who student taught in a private school, and when they went to interview for a position in a Title 1 school, were turned down. It is not the end all if you changed your mind about where you want to work after student teaching, but instead of focusing on your student teaching experience, instead emphasize your challenges and successes in other, similar, environments.

I wish you all the best of luck as you enter the work force of the best job ever! If you have any other tips to add, comment below! I'd love to hear your advice!

I Wear Red for Ed!

On this drizzly day in Kentucky, I'm reminded of the many teachers, parents, and students who have been standing in the rain for the past four days in Los Angeles. I'm not here to talk politics or debate policies. I'm just here to share some facts about the real experiences of teachers for you to consider when deciding whether or not to give your support.

My husband is in his third year teaching high school band in Evansville, Indiana. He went to college for four years at public university with in-state tuition of about $8,750 a year. That is in addition to housing (which averages at $2,600 a semester), food (the cheapest meal plan is $1,690 a semester), and textbooks (which is, on average $655 a year, according to the National Association of College Scores). You can see in the chart to the right that all of these expenses add up very quickly, and over 4 years, one would accumulate approximately $71,940 worth of debt.

Now I understand, these numbers are subject to change each year and are based on a variety of factors. Private schools are significantly more expensive, and financial aid is often available to students to help outweigh the cost of college. My point is that teachers, along with a lot of other professionals, often are burdened with debt upon their graduation.

However, teachers are different from other professionals in that they often can't afford this debt with their full time career. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average salary for an individual in the U.S. with a Bachelor's Degree is $66,456. But teachers in the U.S. are only averaging just over $58,000 (according to the 2016 figures from the National Education Association.

To display my point even further, I sat down and calculated the amount of time that my husband spends at work (see image to the left). I figured that he makes a little bit more than the beginning teacher since he teaches band and receives a stipend for working weekends and 4 weeks during the summer. He works an estimated 2,259 hours a year. That, at $50,000, is about $22.13 an hour.
Compare this to the $31.73/hour rate of someone who makes the average $66,000/year and works 2,080 hours (40 hours a week for 52 weeks in a year, which is a little generous considering holidays and vacations).

Now you might be thinking that this is an exaggeration... but it really is not. In fact, this does not even count the other professional development meetings during the summer, fundraising events he has to monitor, or the countless hours that he spends at home planning.

All of this to just get told that he doesn't have a "real job" (yes, he really has been told that) because music isn't a "real" class. This same disrespect spreads across disciplines. I can't even count the many times that I was told that teaching Elementary school wasn't a "real career" because it's just babysitting and coloring.

There is a crisis in education! And it's not just about test scores or drop out rates.

It's about the teachers who are disrespected with underwhelming paychecks while teaching and caring for children with overwhelming class sizes. It's about teaching with a lack of resources and a lot of political pressure.

And it's about time that we support our teachers!

I'm done feeling guilty for being happy!

If you're a mom like me, the list of things that make you happy could go on for days. I don't know if it's the newfound joy of motherhood, or just the fact that we never get a moment alone, but the bar is suddenly set very low.

And yet, we still feel so guilty about doing anything that makes us happy, regardless of how simple and insignificant it may seem. I catch myself tearing myself down for sleeping in until my daughter wakes up. I feel anxious when I spend $3 on a top for myself from Goodwill. I don't even want to tell my husband what I've done during the day, because while he was at work, I might have opted to watch a chick flick instead of doing the dishes.

When I got pregnant, I stopped getting my nails done. As a new future mother, I was bombarded by "dos" and "don'ts" from all of the books, articles, "support" groups, Facebook posts, family, and even strangers.

"The chemicals will harm the baby!"
"You can't wear any nail polish, makeup, or perfume!"
"How can you spend money on yourself when you have a baby to think about?"
"You can't afford a baby on a single income!"

Now, I won't say that those people meant to be offensive, and it's important to think about the health and financial future of your baby.

But I let the opinions of others effect my happiness. I let their questions guilt me. Even if they didn't say anything, I let the potential for judgement give me anxiety.

I'm done. I'm done tearing myself down. I'm done letting other people make my decisions. And I'm done feeling guilty about being happy.

I'm a good mom, and so are you! We may raise our kids differently, but we know our kids better than anyone else. We will never be perfect, but if we strive for greatness with love in our hearts, we'll be pretty dang close!

So I'm going to get my nails done. What are you going to do for yourself?